Rugby Is a Part of My Life, Whether I Like It or Not

Whenever I say I work to let our kids make decisions from young on, gradually trusting them with the big decisions, I am not talking about this one.

Our son plays rugby. He loves rugby, and has started every game since freshman year (excepting one year a broken arm took him out of the season...6 inch long but narrow plate and 8 pins later.) And still, rugby is the best thing that has happened to him. He's taken on more responsibility than before, even as an adult living in our home, whithout being told or asked. He pitches in where he's needed, asks if he isn't sure, and while he's always been a great kid to everyone, he's going that extra step now. And I remind myself that this is good. But when you watch the clips, I will warn you, they are violent. With the exception of the third video, which is more like American Football.

I've grown from this whole 4 years of rugby in his (and our) life. In my work I've encountered parents who weren't able to let go of that control, that need to be the one at their child's right hand telling them all the right decisions to make. And I didn't want that to be me. So I bit my tongue and supported him, asking only that he tell me honestly if he was hurt so we could make sure nothing permanent was damaged.

I learned that letting go of your children isn't as simple as letting them in our out of the door as they need in early adulthood on occasion. It's talking about what you know, asking about what they know and want, and then listening. A lot of listening.

I discovered that somewhere along the way, this boy who was so small and fragile in my arms, the boy who taught himself how to read with our support, who found new and improved ways to do his math problems and still get the answer...he lives his life. In his words, "If I'm not doing what I want, ma, what's the point of living?"

I taught him to dream and explore and take chances. Now he does. I could hardly hold him back or punish him because I don't want him trying out for the New Zealand Blacks in a few years...he'd be too far away. So I tell him how I feel, and how proud I am that he has dreams, that he hasn't fallen prey to the drinking and drugs that are rampant here.

He wanted me to share this here, after learning what I was doing. The kids do plan on taking some hand in this, how much we wait to be sure. Until then, remember...the first step in doing something new is knowing you can do it. When you have that, the second, of learning, and the third, of doing, come easier. It's one of the basic laws of attraction that are so widely spoken of these days. And it's a part of the way our kids were raised. Their choice to be happy or sad.

In fact, we're working on that with our 4 year old. He told me today that sometimes his brain tells him not to listen to his brain and do naughty stuff, so he chooses to not listen to his brain and he does naughty stuff. So now I have his language I can use to help create some positive force and put him in the path of the law of attraction. More on that later. My yoga mat is calling to me.

Kim